Many men ask me why I’m single. Rather than getting pulled into a bullshit conversation resulting in the bastard telling me he’s different, I just say I’m single for spiritual reasons. That always shuts them up and extinguishes any and all follow up questions. For the longest this method was perfect, until I realized that I was more or less lying to myself more so than avoiding a sticky conversation. As a result, I decided to construct a FAQ detailing my truthful reasonings for being single.

Ma you’re so pretty, I can’t believe no one has wifed you up. Why are you single? I’m single because no man truly wants to wife me up. My standards are high. I don’t compromise. It pisses them off. I end up hurt. Everyone end up unhappy. We split. No relationship is formed.

Damn, that’s deep. I’m different than those other guys. I don’t want to hurt you, I’m looking for love. I’ve heard it all before. The guy before you, the guy before him, the guy before you and before him, AND the guy before you and him aaaaaannnnnd the before the other him told me that same mess. Guess what, I ended up hurt. I’ve learned that 99.9% of men who are looking for love, don’t even know what love is there…..therefore they don’t know what the hell they’re searching for and will never find love. I suggest you take a Bible Study class on the Song of Songs, and then resubmit your request.

Whoa! Iight lil mama, I see you. You sound bitter. That would be correct. I am bitter. In every single, seemingly meaningful, encounter within the previous 12 month period, I have given my all. I have been open to love. I have treated him as I would like to be treated. I have been sensitive to his needs and desires. I have done everything within my power to be a standup woman. The more I give, the more he takes and does not return (return being the key factor). I have entertained the company of all types: Church guys, Squares, Thugs, Hard Workers, Bums, Country Boys, and Up North Fellas. Since I am currently single, you can reasonably assume that none of these worked out.

In other words, you’re in Love Lockdown. Not really. I’m cautious. I want to love and be loved. I want a man to sweep me off my feet. I just know that once I overcome the security system protecting my heart, that the moment I get hurt will hurt 10x as bad as if I had lived life loosely.

So what do you want from a man? In a nutshell, I want a man to treat me as he would like to be treated. I want a man to be considerate of my feelings and my time. I just want a man to be honest and open to communicate. I want a  man who realizes that often a basic text message, phone call, or hug can quell my anger or ease my hurt. I just want a man to actually act like I’m what God made out of a piece of his rib cage.