It’s getting mighty close to my birthday, and it feels like God is giving me an exit exam. It feels that in these past few weeks, I have been faced with various events that have given me the opportunity to demonstrate my knowledge. I remember a part in the movie, Evan Almighty where God speaks to Evan’s very frustrated wife. He posed several rhetorical questions. The one that stuck out most was:
If you prayed for patience, why wouldn’t God give you a chance to be patient?
Sometimes I forget that God often answers prayers in the most uncomfortable of ways. The 23rd year of my life has been completely about Repentance & Revelation. It’s only fair that God confirms that I have fully repented, and I have fully digested any and all revelations. So in the last few days before I begin my 24th year of life, he has presented several challenges to me.
I’m damn proud of my growth thus far.
I’m waaaaaaaay to sleepy to go into detail, but I will tell you the accomplishment or growth that I’m most happy about. It’s the one that I’m sure God is up there saying, “OMG, She finally got it….now I can go sit down somewhere” lol. I am very happy that I am strong enough to stick to my morals without guilt, hesitation, or fear.
The main moral is no sex. I used to feel very guilty or a sense of sadness when men parted ways with me, because of my unwillingness to let ’em go poking around in my pocket book. It would feel almost like a break up. I would end up feeling like I did something wrong, and I drove him away. On times when I would take a strong stand, it came with hesitation. The tactic to approaching the subject would be well thought out, and I would have already thought of the consequences. My biggest fear was that I would possibly be throwing away Mr. Right.
All that has changed. It is now second nature to stick to my guns. Saying no sex and saying why comes as naturally as breathing. There is no hesitation, because I know that there is no negative consequence for not opening my legs. Even if I get to heaven and somehow learn that sex outside of marriage is perfectly acceptable…I know in my heart that I have done the right thing and am 100% safe. Lastly, the fear is gone. What do I have to fear? I know that the man God intends for me to marry will make it clear, through actions and words, that he does not want me sexually. That won’t be important to him, and he will understand because his heart will also reside with God.
Well….I’d love to write more, but I’m nodding off at the computer. Holla at cha in a few!