For two years the doctors had me doped up on anti-depressants and other mess as they labeled me as Bi-Polar. I was like a zombie, only felt numb or slight joy. I may have a few anxiety issues, but I’m definitely NOT Bi-Polar. I quit taking those meds a few months back and have never felt better. Hell, I got out of a dead end relationship & even dropped 4olbs!

I woke up this morning with a pit in my stomach. It’s official, I feel life.

I’m feeling the frustration of unemployment. Absolutely NOTHING has gone right during this lengthy job search. I’m no good at phone interviews, apparently suck at drug tests (see previous post), and simply don’t have enough gas to drive out to the “good” jobs.

I feel betrayed. First by my father who forced me into buying a house just so he could get his investment out plus an extra $40,000. Next by the so-called friend who moved in and robbed me blind. Lastly, by the mortgage company who agreed to lower my interest rate and payment, but later said the conversation (which I have documented) never happened, and raised the payment. This new spike caused my unemployed n struggling ass to loose the house. It’s being auctioned off next month. At least I’m in good company with the rest of America.

I feel lost in life and love. Am I really supposed to be in Kansas City right now? It has been made available for me to go after love while becoming financially stable in Atlanta…is that what I’m supposed to do? Are their better job opportunities for me in Atlanta? I’m so confused.

Sounds odd, but I’m actually grateful for these feelings. It shows that I’m getting back to normal. Instead of getting down, I just look towards the future. This situation is only temporary. By May I will be in Atlanta, in late August I will be starting school at Clark Atlanta University. Just gotta keep pushing towards that goal. I gotta keep my head up because I have no choice. Push or Die!

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